Wednesday 31 October 2012

Real life Art in the Art Gallery

Anna is wearing
Ae'lkemi full feathered dress POA

Ae'lkemi Chartreuse mini, $1400
Tom Gunn Billie Black & Acid shoes, $369
What's one of the fastest ways to get yourself kicked out from the Art Gallery of New South Wales? Attempt to subtly sneak some drop dead, stunna of a model in a floor length, feathery, bridal couture dress and force her to walk up and down the aisles of the gallery. Nothing out of the ordinary, just your average day taking your model out for her daily dose of exercise*.

While we were leisurely walking around the Art Gallery, the beautiful, floor length Ae'lkemi dress would shed its white feathers, leaving a trail wherever we went. It was reminisce of the closing look of Alexander McQueen S/S07, the dress with fresh flowers on it that would scatter all around her. Combined with the architecture and renaissance paintings surrounding us, Anna became this ethereal  other worldly being who seemed to have descended from heaven and was walking on feathers. Or some other beautiful, poetic bullshit. She was just really pretty.

When it came down to working, we played it cool. Security didn't notice us whilst we staged our impromptu fashion photo shoot. It was all going smoothly, better than expected really** Too bad for us the subtle factor evaporated when hordes and hordes of tourists decided to join in on the "photoshoot", even posing with the model awkwardly. And then the wrath of multiple security guards questioning our every motive descended on us like seagulls finding a potato chip in Circular Quay. It wasn't nice and we ran out of the building like a bride second guessing her marriage to her sugar daddy.
"But we haven't even gotten into third looks yet?!!?"

*Anna is actually a long distance track athlete and has won multiple medals. Her daily dose of exercise is probably the equivalent of three years of exercise for me.

**We called the Museum ahead of the shoot and apparently its illegal to shoot there, "heavy fines are imposed"

Thankyou to Anna @ The Agency and Lola Li for photographing

The closing dress of Alexander McQueen's S/S07 show
by Steven Meisel, Vogue US May

Wednesday 24 October 2012

The struggles of beach attire

Jack London Coat
Jack London pussy blouse
Sass and Bide Jeans
Aldo brogues

I have a problem. A major sartorial, life threatening problem, and no it isn't my credit card bouncing. It's the fact that I am incapable of dressing for fun* times at the beach. This inability to pick out my 3/4 boardies from Lowes, Havaiana flip-flops and Australian flag towel from among a mainly beach redundant wardrobe has led many beach goers and friends giving me confused looks. This might also be related to the fact that I am incapable of deciphering how hot it is even when I load the weather app. You would think that with all these problems in my life I would have qualified for the government doll or something.

But here I am, doll-less wearing jeans, leather shoes and a coat to the beach all the while having people in various states of undress walking past me and staring. Though a part of me likes to believe that they kept staring because they had not seen such perfection before.

* There's nothing fun in burning your feet on hot sand and coming out of the water looking like a drowned rat

Sunday 14 October 2012

A Bigger Splash

Autonomy shirt
Edwin Jeans
Sperry Top-Sider boat shoes

Do you need more time?

I've always been a big believer in keeping busy. I’m not quite sure if it’s because I’m constantly surrounded by talented and hardworking peers or if it stems from my crazy Asian culture of work ethic, but everyday I try to do something fulfilling and productive. I detest staying at home and doing nothing.

In saying this, and having recently acquired another job, I am now balancing three different workloads. Ironically, only two of the jobs are directly beneficial to my career, and these happen to be ones that pay the least. My friends have advised to cut one of them out, but how will I ever decide which one? I want to maximise my career prospects but I can’t possibly go back to shopping in the clearance section of ASOS now that I've stepped into Net-a-Porter’s death grip. 

The quote, “jumping around and splashing in the water doesn’t mean you’re swimming” by Michael LeBoeuf really resonates with me. There is a big difference between simply being active, and really accomplishing something worthwhile. But is it really worth it? My income has significantly increased, my resume is looking solid but I am finding that I have no time to enjoy the little things now that I am working seven days a week.

I tell myself that this is all temporary. Eventually, life will slow down when I’m successful, and I will have time to focus on the things that really matter – those that enrich my life, such as having fun and spending quality time with family and friends, and not worrying about the price tag on clothes. But when? When you look at all the successful people working in fashion you realise that there is no such thing as a break, they are constantly working all the time.

"Let me know when your personal life is falling apart. That means it's time for a pay-rise".

Realistically, the fashion industry and the world in general is unlikely to slow down. But do I really want to be that crazy fashion gal that just lives and breathes fashion?

One of the biggest regrets of those dying is that they wish they 'didn't work so hard'. I would love to take this advice but I never want to live a mediocre life. I’d like to believe my clothes lovingly embrace  me at the end of each day, the same way I’d like to think that I’m a size 4. But let’s be honest people, I doubt that’s going to realistically happen any time soon...

Monday 8 October 2012

My computer committed fashion suicide

So my computer exploded. A KA--BOOM kind of explosion, with sparks and fire and smoke. This naturally led many neighbors to call the local police station to report suspicious behavior. I think some of the reports said we were making homemade bombs. Considering the ghetto suburb in which I inhabit. this was no surprise at all. 

I kid, I kid. My life isn't that interesting and my computer didn't explode on itself. It did however crash and die on me. I can’t load it up for more than thirty seconds before it crashes. I even got it to start on safe mode and then it crashed again! 


And it ain't even a blue screen of death. It’s this fuzzy plaid pattern in a rainbow of color.

How very fitting right? Even in its final days, my computer will stay true to its owner and reflect his overly flamboyant gayness.

So what to do now? The next course of action seems to get an Apple Macbook, which will complete my total hipster look and off course, provide me with a working computer. But they are so god damn expensive.
But the first thought to go through my head was “I rather spend this money on clothes”. I could get one of those cheaper MacBook Airs, but it isn't very hipster is it?

So really, lets see what $2,499 AUD would get you.

1) Alexander f*cking McQueen
to sit next to the Supre clothes in your wardrobe
Alexander McQueen Intarsia wool-blend dress $2,559
2) Liposuction on my chin
while the rest of my body remains fat
Aesthetic Surgery Centre chin lipo $2,500
If I wanted to get my stomach it'll double in price :(

3) Rent a Friend for a week to make you look popular
but does not include sex

Rent a $50 p/h friend for a week 

The options are endless! But what I think I'm going to do is just cancel hiring Lola to be my friend for a week and use that money on a laptop.


Tuesday 2 October 2012

Emotionally eating Alex's Wang

Alexander Wang dress that should be burnt
Siren heels
ASOS cuff
What do you do when your partner* wears a 600 pound Alexander Wang dress that is completely, and utterly JIZZ worthy? You eat copious amounts of orgasmic food to make yourself feel better.

Yes that’s right, as Lola strutted around looking a hundred million times better than me, I tended to my wounds by loitering near the kitchen and helping myself to plate after plate of free canapés. And these weren't your average canapés. No these were the best canapés that have ever graced my sweet mouth. Ughhhhhh my mouth is watering thinking about the beautifully cooked lamb, and the fresh sashimi, ohhh and even lobster*, all washed down with sweet, alcoholic poison.  UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it was so good that I attempted to eat my foodstagram photos the next morning. 

I don’t advise eating to make yourself feel better though. I just ended up looking worse due to the massive food baby protruding my body. When you reach the point where it is hard to swallow your food because there is no room left in your stomach you know you should probably put down that plate. And no, do not pick up the other plates waiting for you either.

I’ve actually hypothesised that I might have a tapeworm in me because I can just eat so much food. The problem with this little theory though, is that I failed to have gained one of the main benefits of having a parasite use your body as a host, weight loss. Lola concluded however, that I've failed to lose weight because I actually just eat too much food for the both of us.

A valid point.          

So what can we conclude from this little rambling? If you are with someone who is wearing an Alexander Wang dress tear it off them and burn it or you will emotionally eat yourself into a bigger pants size. And that ain’t very chic.

*Yes me and Lola are officially married and went on our honeymoon and that’s why I haven’t blogged in a while.
** I was later informed that what I was eating was not a lobster but a Decapodian named Zoidberg

May Day Market shirt
Random asian store necklace
Giles & Brother bracelet
Random stolen bracelet found in my boyfriends room 
Edwin Jeans
Thrifted shoes