|Alexander Wang dress that should be burnt|
What do you do when your partner* wears a 600 pound Alexander Wang dress that is completely, and utterly JIZZ worthy? You eat copious amounts of orgasmic food to make yourself feel better.
Yes that’s right, as Lola strutted around looking a hundred million times better than me, I tended to my wounds by loitering near the kitchen and helping myself to plate after plate of free canapés. And these weren't your average canapés. No these were the best canapés that have ever graced my sweet mouth. Ughhhhhh my mouth is watering thinking about the beautifully cooked lamb, and the fresh sashimi, ohhh and even lobster*, all washed down with sweet, alcoholic poison. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it was so good that I attempted to eat my foodstagram photos the next morning.
I don’t advise eating to make yourself feel better though. I just ended up looking worse due to the massive food baby protruding my body. When you reach the point where it is hard to swallow your food because there is no room left in your stomach you know you should probably put down that plate. And no, do not pick up the other plates waiting for you either.
I’ve actually hypothesised that I might have a tapeworm in me because I can just eat so much food. The problem with this little theory though, is that I failed to have gained one of the main benefits of having a parasite use your body as a host, weight loss. Lola concluded however, that I've failed to lose weight because I actually just eat too much food for the both of us.
A valid point.
So what can we conclude from this little rambling? If you are with someone who is wearing an Alexander Wang dress tear it off them and burn it or you will emotionally eat yourself into a bigger pants size. And that ain’t very chic.
*Yes me and Lola are officially married and went on our honeymoon and that’s why I haven’t blogged in a while.
** I was later informed that what I was eating was not a lobster but a Decapodian named Zoidberg
|May Day Market shirt|
Random asian store necklace
Giles & Brother bracelet
Random stolen bracelet found in my boyfriends room