Wednesday 27 March 2013

Beautifying MANKiND

MANKiND Studio
In preparation for the week of Fashion, I thought I would sort through and reacquaint myself with the men's skincare products available. Having millions of photographers chase after you for some candid street style photos in less than two weeks means starting to get good skin is more important now than ever. What I found? That men's skincare is far and few, with the majority of products on the market looking like they were made to clean car grease and motor oil off your skin. Lucky for those who are mechanics. Unlucky for those who never get their hands severely dirty because they don't even know how to lift the bonnet of a car, like me (who would have guessed).

My poor genetics have resulted in me having ultra, sensitive skin and anything that looks like it could strip paint of walls is probably not going to help me retain my eternal Asian youthful looks until, say 60 when suddenly overnight it all catches up with me. Kinda like that scene in Oz the Great and Powerful when the evil witch has her amulet broken and turns 80 in less than 30secs. So to not have a real life re-enactment of that scene, the only skincare I let anywhere near my face has to be designed for sensitive skin. 

Luckily, I found a skincare line called KiND from a men's day spa called MANKiND that works on the principal that all skin is sensitive. Cue wedding bells! They've taken all the bad chemicals out and put all the good stuff in, like free radical fighting antioxidants, avocado oil and white tea extract. And my favorite  rosehip oil! So really, you don't have to worry about finding any artificial colours, soaps, drying alcohols and other bad things that could harm your skin and make you wake up with a face situation similar to Will Smith's swollen face in Hitch. And trust me, it's happened to me before. 

But really, the one product I'm obsessing over is their essential moisturizer which has an anti-inflammatory component that really helps my post shave rash. And yes I do grow some kind of facial hair, borderline fluff. And continuing this flow of amazingness, I found that their spa also do waxing! No more awkward, blank stares from the Asian beauty therapist when you ask for a Brazilian.  

Sunday 24 March 2013

Dance with me and my tacky sequin shirt

Lanvin shirt of sequined tackiness RRP $1071 from Luisia Via Roma
I have immense respect for designers and the amount of time and effort it takes for them to create a collection. Trying to come up with a collection that is editorially worthy and commercial enough for your average gal is a hard feat. Especially when you are drawing inspiration from some obscure 17th French painting or something or other.

But really, what the hell is this. 

I'm sorry but a grand for a sequinned polyester tee seems a tad too steep. A WHOLE GRAND. That's like 10 of those 100 dollar bills you see streaming from the roof of Deal or No Deal. Even those ghetto thug guys on Facebook don't have ten 100 dollar bills fanned in their display picture. Yeah, they are Lanvin but c'mon, look at those sequined stars. For four digits those sequins have better been washed in the tears of  twinks losing their virginity on Mardi Gras. No matter how hard you try this shirt ain't going to make you a shiny star babygal.

Is the market for over-priced crap that big? Does Lanvin think they can honestly compete with one of the most prestigious American design houses, Juicy Couture? I'm lost for words. No, but really. What girl, guy, unfashionable person would pay a grand to suggest for people to dance with them. The graphic in the shirt doesn't inspire much hope either. Midget Harry Potter looking guy admiring ghetto hoop earring girl, definitely the start of a great love story.

It's not even so bad its good. It's just bad. Maybe I've gotten old. Maybe there's all these people with an abundance of money and a warped sense of irony. Maybe I can befriend one and convince them to buy it for me. I mean it is half price now. Making it $500$. What a steal.

Sunday 17 March 2013

Why We Thugs

As many of you may be aware, I, Joseph Dang, am the biggest rebel/delinquent/sikkunt out and one of my most recent crimes involved being escorted from a building by security for the bad ass crime of taking photos. Unfazed by this display of draconian tyranny, I proceeded to exit in the most glamorous fashion possible. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, please refer to Exhibit A.

Exhibit A
Suspect #1:
Vintage Dior button up
Edwin jeans
Sperry Top-sider shoes
I was actually quite shocked given the fact that I had preemptively decked myself out in a more conservative outfit to avoid arousing suspicion. Nothing screams clean-cut catholic school boy more than a polka dot button up shirt. I guess the security guard was unfazed. It just seems though that I can't go anywhere without my bitch-face setting off alarm bells in people's heads. Or maybe its because I've lived in the ghetto area of Sydney my whole entire life and can't seem to escape it. You can take the boy out of the ghetto but you can't take the ghetto out of the boy.

So now you know my bitch-face is a product of my surroundings. It'll explain why I've always been able to freely walk home at night without getting shanked and/or curbstomped. The journey home is one filled with danger at every corner, passing multiple past crime scenes. I am really Thug4lyf. And obviously the other half of my fullysickcrew, Lola Li, was repping the gang with her gold chain necklace. The spikes doubled as weapons (Exhibit B).

Watch out Bra Boys and Hells Angels, we're coming after you. In full force, with our under-cuts and impeccable style.

Suspect #2:
ASOS polo neck crop top
Evil Twin velvet shorts
Life with Bird cardigan
Senso boots
Vintage sunglasses
DIY necklace
Exhibit B

Tuesday 5 March 2013

Alpha Males

Joseph wears:
Romance was Born
silk print shirt
Edwin jeans
Thrifted shoes
Romance Was Born backpack

Lola wears:
Provocator lace dress
Baggu backpack
Vintage sunglasses
Creepers from eBay

So gay Christmas has come and gone and here I am sitting in my underwear eating ice cream out of the tub and not off the washboard abs of some hot European foreigner. What is this guys? Seeing as Mardi Gras should be my peak season, I came out pretty empty handed. All the animals are at the watering hole and I managed to snag zero? Even Lola got lucky. My life is on par with one of those lions that fail to drag down the animal they've eye-fucked for the past hour. All I'm missing is the soothing Attenborough voice over commentary, "the male lion has adorned himself in bright colours and prints in an attempt to attract other mates. He shows his alpha coordination superiority by pairing his Romance was Born t-shirt with a backpack of the same pattern. The other males however, are not interested."

I mean, if I saw someone wearing print on print, and not just any print, but Romance was Born print, I would throw my body against them and declare my undying love, pretend to fall over so they would have to catch me, or if that fails, fake a pregnancy so they are forced to stay with me. It was probably my psychotic nature that scared all the men away, though I like to think it was just me intimidating them with my ultra good looks. But even so, the print was in the universal colour of sex, love and whispers of naughty things behind closed doors. Maybe I just wasn't wearing enough red.

Climbing to the ends of the Earth in search for man prey